Kitten Squashed To Death At Pan sonic Gig

by Brynmore Williams, Boston, Massachusetts

Tragedy strikes as the Finnish minimal techno duo hit Rhode Island

Perhaps listening to their analogue churns activates some dormant gene within the coils of our double helix. Or maybe their sublevel blips unconsciously program our malleable minds. Whatever it may be, I can only say that Panasonic's monster music leaves a giant footprint on the psyche of the audibly gifted. What is to follow is the first recorded case of the strangeness which surrounds this Finnish duo.

Location: Warehouse somewhere in Rhode Island
Subject of Analysis: 667 Cygma

Account: I was the one who crushed the cat. Yep, it was me. I was moving a large cable-spool to use as a table for the Panasonic guys. I rolled it into the middle of the floor, turned around to Ilpo and asked, 'will this be good enough?', he nodded. I then needed to put the spool on it's side and push it into place next to the other table. I turned around and tipped the thing on it's end. It was 5.5 feet tall and very heavy. As I started to push it past the balance point one of the guys goes, "heyheyhey", but it was too late, the thing was already falling. And BOMP! It falls on the kitten. I still didn't know what had happened, but I knew something was wrong, so instantly I grabbed the spool and lifted it up. That's when I saw the blood; it had squirted in an interesting pattern across the floor. My eyes followed this meandering stream which led to the spasming kitten underneath the spool.

That's when the space/cat-owner ran over and picked up the kitten. He was muttering, "no, no, no... omygod... OH NOOO!... He's BLEEDING! We all stood there while this guy picked up his crushed little kitten, which was barely alive, and carried it around for 10 minutes until the little kitten perished. Fred, Abe, Mika, and Ilpo were all sitting there watching the whole thing. It was surreal. What was sadder was that after the kitten's death the owner was still walking around with the limp body saying how "he had dreams of raising a family with the other kitten and a dog and now that dream was crushed... just like my baby."

Was this cat cohersed by a wet sawtooth wave into committing suicide? Was the lure of the BLIP too seducing for this young feline to resist? These questions will never be verbally answered. Any hope of revelation lies within the unfathomable depths of Vakio and Kulma: Panasonic's two albums. It is my hope that one day soon every music lover will be crushed by the awesome power of Panasonic... just not so literally.

Copyright © 1998 Brynmore Williams

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